EXAM STRESS, PANIC ATTACKS AND MEDICATION

So this is a bit of a different blog post but I just wanted sit and write out my recent experience with anxiety and delayed stress. 

For the past two years I have been completing my A Levels in History, Sociology and Literature. And through out secondary school and even primary school I had always found the academic side of school rather 'easy'. Not in the fact I found the work easy but exam wise I never got too stressed or worried, I went with the flow and tried my best and always did alright. Which I believe is the best way to go! 

Through out secondary school I wasn't in the top sets for everything nor the bottom. Happy medium. I came out my GSCE's with C's and B's and managed to bag myself an acceptance into the sixth form I wanted. With no over the top revision, I knew I didn't need to stress myself out and make myself ill. But maybe like 30 minutes each day. 

Even throughout AS Level (the first year of A Levels) I didn't feel 'too' stressed. But man of course it was SO much harder than GCSE. When people say they are nothing compared to A Levels I'm sorry but they really aren't. Anyway, I did my exams in the summer and was extremely happy that I got good enough grades to carry on into A2 without dropping any subjects or vice versa. 

In my A2 year January exams had been scrapped. Which was a massive strain on me all through out the year as I was having to try to memorise 10x as much knowledge. I started revising in March, which is really early in my opinion. Truthfully, I only started this early as most of my friends had. I didn't want to feel behind etc. But I dread to think what I would have done if not. This exam season what has just passed has literally left me in scraps. I did 3 exams, my History, Literature and one Sociology, and this left the big guns. Unit 4 Sociology which used to be 2 exams, now 1 and which 14 topics to learn. Impossible.

All through the year I knew this exam would nearly break me and man it did. The night BEFORE the exam I had the worst panic attack I have EVER had in my entire life. I have previously suffered with them during GCSES slightly and every so often since. But nothing which stopped me from going out my daily life. This was something else. I felt like I was going to throw up, and then my body literally just went into total shock and spasm. I couldn't stop convulsing and it wasn't just 'shaking' it was like my muscles were trying to get out of my skin! I didn't end up going to sleep till at least 3 the night before my biggest exam and trying to memorise the course was seriously the last thing on my mind. Not what you want the night before an A2 exam! I was so worried I would have another attack before I went into the exam. Luckily I didn't. Nor did I feel totally back to normal. I managed to sit the exam.

After that was done I had no more exams left and I thought I would be left with a sense of overwhelming happiness. But I felt uneasy and on edge. I went for a small meal with my friend to celebrate and couldn't finish it as a wave of sickness came over me. I went home and wondered why I didn't feel over the moon to not have to revise! 

That night, my body started convulsing again. Crying to my mum I wondered why it was still happening as I didn't have anything to worry about anymore. The next day I had over 10 panic attacks or you could say one massive one all day. I couldn't get my breath at any second and felt like I could only sit down or I would collapse. Knowing this wasn't getting any better I rang the doctors and arranged an appointment. 

In the appointment I broke down in tears which was super embarrassing and also strange. I explained what had happened and she claimed that it was delayed anxiety. Symptoms include being emotional which I did, when ever any one spoke to me about it my eyes would water and my throat would go weak. It was horrible. The doctor didn't give me any medication but some breathing and relaxation techniques. That day I felt so much calmer and managed to go to the country side and have some time outside which was lovely.

The next day I woke up with the constricted feeling in my chest and throat once again. I cannot explain the sadness I felt waking up knowing all day I would not be able to breathe. Trying to lay in bed and watch a dvd was an extremely hard task when I simply couldn't get my breath. At night I had to sleep propped up by 4 pillows because I couldn't lay flat because of my breathing. I also kept twitching every couple of minutes which was super annoying. I carried on like this for 2 days. I didn't get dressed, didn't wash my face, shower or eat for over a week. (Gross I know) All I managed to eat was 2 biscuits and half a can of soup. I couldn't stomach anything, I felt like I physically could not swallow hard food as my throat wouldn't allow it. My appetite had gone and I LOVE food I will admit. I took no interest in daily life such as going out with friends, watching my favourite tv shows or seeing family etc. I just wanted to try to sleep constantly. I was having 9+ each night but always tired and not doing anything.

After 3 days in what as basically a prision I decided I NEEDED to get some help again. I rang the doctors and explained that I felt like my heart was pumping out of my chest and I couldn't breathe and got an emergency appointment. Waiting outside my anxiety was over whelming with worry as this might be something more serious. I wanted to go into that room and spill out EVERYTHING I had thought of the past week. When I did go inside I couldn't even string a sentence together, I kept stuttering, my eyes watering again, my heart racing. She could tell that I was crippled with anxiety and decided that I needed to go on Beta Blockers. What these do is decrease the activity of the heart by blocking the action of hormones (adrenaline). 

I had so much adrenaline rushing through me and my heart was pumping so fast as a delayed stress reaction, FROM EXAMS! All the way through my body had been trying to get me through without falling apart and when they was over my body basically gave up. I wanted these tablets and I wanted them fast! I went to the chemist straight after and rushed home alone to have one. After an hour, I felt slightly calmer than I ever had before. And every day since its been getting better.

I cannot begin to explain how much Beta Blockers were a help for me during this horrible period. Now I can enjoy summer instead of being crippled with fear inside by my own body. I can't believe exams literally drove me to that point also, I just want to say to every one that even if you don't stress during exams or before. PLEASE look after yourself. Don't over do it like I did. Try to find a happy medium. Whether they are SATS, GCSES or final exams for uni. I don't think anyone understands how much stress students go through these days and my story is a prime example of this. 

Eyebrows and game strength

I curse my eyebrows. 

I envy people with a beautiful natural arch. Me, I was (not so) blessed with extremely short, straight brows. But thank the lord for eyebrow products. Having a strong brow game literally decides if I am going to have a good day or not. The straight part of my brow is yes, my own brow. But everything including the arch is done with a brow pencil, some powder and the wonderful MAC 266 brush. These products allow me to fake a long (normal length) brow and put a small arch in. 

And people wonder why us girls love make up so much?

(Yes I am aware my game is still weak)

xxx

Triangle / heart nail tips

In this post, I am going to TRY and explain how to do this nail design which I feel will not be leaving my nails for a long time.

All you need is ... 

1. A base coat for your nails

2. (Optional) A pale pinkish / natural nail colour but better colour. 

3. A nail polish colour of your choice.

4. A thick top coat.

Step one: I apply a base coat and wait 2 minutes for this to try. Then I apply Essie - Mademoiselle nail polish. I adore this colour so much as it makes your nails look so healthy and pretty. You can get it from any Essie counter towards the paler colours. I applied two coats of this, waiting 5 minutes in between each one. So this step takes 10-15 minutes in total.

Step two: The tricky part. Next use any colour you wish, I used black but I have seen this done with red before also. I chose the Barry M one as it has a smaller applicator than many other brands so its easier to do the design. All you want to do is start at one side of your nail 3/4 of the way up, and bring the polish to the center of the tip of your nail. Try to curve the line so it doesn't look too harsh. This will make it look more playful and heart like. Although this is totally optional. I find it best to start with the hand you struggle with most first. Do the 'triangle' in two steps - one side, and then the other, this will connect them together. I find it best to start with the side which is furthest from you. If the colour you have chose isn't very opaque, then just slowly and carefully go over your design. 

Step three: Wait for this to dry. It will take quite a while as its a thick layer of polish over a small area. Take 15 minutes out and try not to move! Trust me, you'll regret it! Make sure they're dry and apply your chosen top coat.

And there you go! An easy method for which I think, super wonderful design! I find it best for this design to have a rounded/almond nail shape like mine. 

xxx

The Beauty Scenario Tag

After seeing Lilypebbles and Anna do this tag on YouTube I have been dying to give it a go! Lily created it, and its quickly become of my new favourite tags out there. I tag everyone to give it a go! 

1) You have to get rid of all your foundations, and only keep one highend and one drugstore which do you keep?
This certainly is a no brainer,  my high end would be my trusty MAC Studio Fix and I would keep Revlon Colour Stay as my drug store option. (FYI, revlon is a dupe!)

2) You go for an interview and the lady interviewing you has lipstick on her teeth. Do you approach the subject or ignore it completely?
Interviews are scary as! I would definitely not say anything. You're supposed to be making a good impression here! 

3) Your not feeling yourself and you need a pick me up lipstick which one do you go for?
I would probably say my MAC Candy Yum Yum lipstick, yum!

4) You go back in time for a day to your teenage years, how would you do to your hair and makeup differently?
I wouldn't really do anything different to my hair that much, maybe just watch out when trying to get my hair back brown after red (It doesn't work!) Make up, my theres a lot I would change. USE A RIGHT FOUNDATION COLOUR! and do something with my eyebrows would be my main two!

5) You ask your hairdresser for a shoulder length pixie lott hair cut but they hear wrong and give you a pixie hair cut. Do you a) smile, say thank you, leave and call your mum and cry hysterical b)cry in the chair and things get awkward or c) complain to the manager and demand a refund. 
Definitely the first one, mixed with c. I would probably ring up when I get home and have calmed down.

6) your friend surprises you with a 4 day city break and you have 1 hour to pack. Which 'do it all' palette do you pack in your makeup bag?
Naked Basics!

7) Your house has been robbed, don't worry everyone is safe, but your beauty stash has been raided. What's the product you really hope is safe? 
Does my whole MUJI storage count? No seriously, it would probably be my MAC eyeshadow palette!

8) Your friend borrows your makeup and returns it in awful condition. do you a)just pretend you havn't noticed b) ask them to repurchase  it or c)secretly do the same to something of theirs ... 
Tell them! Either make them clean it or rebuy, theres no getting away with this! 

Make up wish list

MAC Soft Ochre paint pot. I already have Painterly but I really fancy giving this a go.

Benefit Lolli - Tint

MAC lipsticks in Coral Bliss and Lady Danger

xx

Top picks for foundation brushes

So you've probably seen a few of these before, maybe one, maybe ALL of them. They're pretty popular picks, but they're popular for one reason: THEY'RE BRILLIANT! 

So, the first one (on the left) is the Real Techniques Expert Face Brush. I love this as its really rather dense, and also rather small. So you can really work the product into your skin. I love how its a pretty small brush so you're not worrying that you're getting foundation all over your eyebrows or on your eyelid of what ever. It does the job perfectly with such ease and a flawless finish. I like to use it in circular motions.

The middle one is from eBay (here is link for the set I got it with)   and its a dupe for the Stigma F80! This flat top brush is slowly making its way to my top spot favourite brush ever. With slow circular motions, it does the job effortlessly, quick and beautifully. 

The end one is of course the Real Techniques Buffing Brush, when I first used this for my base I was absolutely blown away! Its much less dense than the other two brushes and something I wasn't used too, but once I seen the end result of my foundation I knew there was NO going back! A buffing brush is perfect for a foundation application. And I really recommend this one. Sadly, its only a part of the core collection so you have to buy the full set. But totally worth it even just for this IMO!

Whats your favourite foundation brush?

x

In the world of skin...

A few blog posts ago, many months back, I made a little known fact that my acne medication was majorly playing with my skin. Hopeful I was, sadly the two topic creams and tablets didn't work.
Then Origins came along, and BAM - my skin cleared up! It was smooth, I didn't wake up with breakouts for a good two months. Sadly, my skin is back in the, excuse my french, shitter. Everyday I wake up with more and more spots. And they are cystic. Not the white heads you can easily deal with. They're both red, angry cystic bumps under my skin. Mainly around my jaw, chin and mouth similar to before I went on meds.

Doing some research about cysts around your chin (only where I get them) I read up its hormonal. A week past and I booked another doctors appointment hopefully going now with something in mind I want, some hormone balances! I also read that diary (mainly milk) can break you out. SO, I am cutting milk out of my diet for a while, and trying soya and almond instead.

I don't know how every things going to go but again, I can only hope for the best.